{"id":384,"date":"2013-03-18T19:37:03","date_gmt":"2013-03-18T19:37:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.donasofia.org\/?p=384"},"modified":"2019-05-26T19:49:26","modified_gmt":"2019-05-26T19:49:26","slug":"stealing-from-a-thief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.donasofia.org\/?p=384","title":{"rendered":"Stealing from a Thief"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cYou can tell it any way you want but that’s the way it is. I should of done it and I didn\u2019t. And some part of me has never quit wishin\u2019 I could go back. And I can\u2019t. I didn\u2019t know you could steal your own life. And I didn\u2019t know that it would bring you no more benefit than about anything else you might steal. I think I done the best with it I knew how but it still wasn\u2019t mine. It never has been. \u201d<\/p>\n

\u2015 Cormac McCarthy, No Country for Old Men<\/em><\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Have you ever wondered at seeing a person mourn the death of a loved one if the mourner is grieving the end of wonderful memories, or whether the tears are those of remorse?<\/p>\n

I have.<\/p>\n

And I determined early that such a mourner would not be me. I was staking claim on my life. Yessir. I was a romantic bent on living the dream, convinced that life could be lived without a shred of regret.<\/p>\n

How\u2019s that for optimism?<\/p>\n

The past was past. I couldn\u2019t change that. But I believed that from a marked moment in time\u2014a monument of new beginnings, I could somehow choose well enough, right enough that when I finally arrived at the end I would lift my soul cupped in my hands up toward heaven, a gift to God, and regret nothing. I made a promise to myself to do just that. I would make good choices. The best choices.<\/p>\n

Then optimism punched me in the throat a time or two. Maybe three.<\/p>\n

Life got hard.<\/p>\n

Still, I failed to understand that to regret nothing, to refuse my clumsy brokenness and need for forgiveness, was merely cowardice. Maybe even a crime. (A famous author wrote something to this affect and I stole it\u2026.)<\/p>\n

Convinced that my theory only needed a good hard tweak\u2014after all, I couldn\u2019t regret something for which an opportunity was never presented\u2014I revamped. I reasoned, for example, that I could not lament having married as a teenager before going to college or going to one university in particular rather than another.<\/p>\n

Granted, a few big hairy regrettable mistakes were made along the way, but I was still dandy: maybe the leadership gurus were right, failures of yesterday are gems of tomorrow: sand into pearls, dirt into diamonds, shit into perfume\u2026 yes, almost criminal. A bit of truth spun hard to make us all feel better.<\/p>\n

When I reflect back, it\u2019s not just missed opportunities I see. I find wasted time, selfish thoughts, mean words, manipulations, neglected friendships \u2026 and most of those doled out in the name of Love.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets,\u201d wrote Arthur Miller.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Leave it to the novelists to awaken truth.<\/p>\n

What is a right regret? Truth telling. Forgiveness. I am more sure now than ever of how hard life is and how many people are carrying their own burdens of remorse. I can\u2019t speak to theirs except to mention the Author of Second Chances. When I reach out to touch the sleeve of an old woman whose life was stolen as a result of one very bad decision, or to hug a child whose greatest sorrow is having remained silent, I discover a sacred moment.<\/p>\n

And, it is only in the night when I kneel and take account of the things I\u2019ve done and things I\u2019ve left undone, I figure I\u2019m stealing from a thief.<\/p>\n

What does it mean for you to end up with the right regrets?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cYou can tell it any way you want but that’s the way it is. I should of done it and I didn\u2019t. And some part of me has never quit wishin\u2019 I could go back. And I can\u2019t. I didn\u2019t know you could steal your own life. And I didn\u2019t know that it would bring you no more benefit than about anything else you might steal. I think I done the best with it I knew how but it still […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[69],"tags":[42,10,6],"class_list":["post-384","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spiritual-pilgrims","tag-forgiveness","tag-reflections","tag-spirituality"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.donasofia.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/384","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.donasofia.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.donasofia.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.donasofia.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.donasofia.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=384"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.donasofia.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/384\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":387,"href":"http:\/\/www.donasofia.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/384\/revisions\/387"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.donasofia.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=384"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.donasofia.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=384"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.donasofia.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=384"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}